Daily Archives: January 13, 2012

Do-it-yourself architectural dialogue

The Holy Grail. The Ark of the Covenant. The missing sock from the dryer.

Man has embarked on many a journeys seeking the truth. For the last fifteen years I have also endured a search for truth, although honestly the amount of effort I’ve put into this search is equal to Indiana Jones looking for his seat in a movie theater.

The truth I sought did not relate to a higher being, or the origin of my existence, or even that really nice fleecy sock that’s been lost (the kind of dark brown one with the nice stitching–yeah, that one). No, the truth I sought was why architects sound so stupid.

If you ever wanted to speak like an architect and sound somewhat intelligible without stating anything meaningful, then the following is for you.

(Warning: A person saying these statements within a medical environment [such as a hospital, clinic, or daytime soap opera] may subject the speaker to a series of post-concussion assessment and cognitive testing. Consult someone wearing a black turtleneck and black-framed glasses before using this sheet. Common side effects include perplexing stares from people, humiliation, and the enjoyment of music by groups that no one has ever heard of before. Discontinue using this sheet if you experience self-doubt, an urge to roll-up in the fetal position, or a strong desire to spend your entire paycheck in a bookstore.)